Additional Details
i am not offended by anything anyone has said. obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinions on the matter - but just so you know, i was not blaming the alcohol for the situation. i was just explaining the context in which it all happened. my husband and his cousin did not have any contact at all during the experience so i cant see how that can make it incestuous. thank you to those of you who didnt answer my question with all that fire and brimstone crap...rev. stevens, didnt jesus say we shouldnt cast stones?
Best AnswerAsker's Choice
stu danswered7 year ago
Joy and DKlide: good responses. No one knows anything about you, your marriage, or your story, so there are a lot of variables. How long have you been married? Have you discussed it before (even tho this time was unplanned). Talk with your husband about his expectations, and yours. If you are in a good marriage, and you both feel comfortable with it, then keep the communication going and set the rules if you decide to do it again. This is not something to take over your life negatively, there are plenty of couples who do this and are comfortable with it....some people like the hedonistic aspects. As for the "alcohol is the devil" response, go do a flying leap after a mind eraser. alcohol affects people, but not as adversely as right-minded religion freaks o' nature. FREE LOVE BABY.
Asker's rating & comment
the answer was honest, non-judgmental, informative and exactly what i needed to hear. also loved the way he/she told the religious self-righteous bunch to piss off
Other Answers (24)
capbarrow2 answered 7 year ago
First and foremost, do not listen to these people who say your marriage is ruined because of this. They have no idea who you are, what your situation is, how well your marriage is going, or whether or not you and your husband have discussed this exact thing in the past. the only things that are important for you to think about are these: First sit down with your hubby and explain what you are thinking and feeling. Explain to him your thoughts about what happened, whether you liked it or not, and your reasoning's for it. If you enjoyed it and so did he, then by all means discuss it and see if it is something the two of you are comfortable trying again. As for a threesome with another woman, if that is something he wants and you are curious about it, then again, by all means give it a try. Set limits before hand, talk openly about any worries or fears you have and come to an agreement. But believe me, just having a threesome will not destroy a strong marriage, in fact it can, in some instances strengthen it. My wife and I have been married for many years now and have had a few various sexual encounters, and we are as much in love and devoted to one another today as we were in the very beginning. Just be honest with yourself and your husband. That's what's important. I hope this helps you
Just my 2 cents worth
BLOODHOUND answered 7 year ago
maybe not today but YES it well come back to haunt you. and if you ever have kids and get a divorce he well take it to the judge. and lets face it its a guy thing and never hurts the guy rep. it makes him just being a guybut judges dont like to give kids to a woman who has to admit he had a 3some with any one muchless her husband and a member of his family. better think smart next time. it would of looked better on you if it had been 2 women. and all you can tell the judge as he walk out with you children is BUT JUDGE I WAS DRUNK please dont take my kids.
Joy answered 7 year ago
The best thing that I can tell you is to be open and honest with your husband. Tell him how you feel, and let him know that this is really bothering you. It will only get worse if you just stay silent, and let your husband continue to think that everything is ok. If you haven't said anything to him, he might think that you're as into this as he is, and be totally oblivious to your worries.
If you do decide to have another threesome, I suggest setting down some rules before you even begin. Let everyone involved know what each one is comfortable with, and find out where your boundaries are. If you aren't comfortable, you won't have fun, and it will just cause problems in the long run.
Angela S answered 7 year ago
what the hell is wrong with you & your husband? thats incest,... thats sick.. disquisting.. and yes it will definately affect your marriage.
Lawrence answered 7 year ago
What's done is done and cannot be undone. If you have no qualms about it and would like to continue doing it if your husband suggest, then by all means shed off your inhibitions and do it. But if you are feeling real guilty about it, then have a talk with your husband about it and tell him how you feel about the 3some. Alcohol is always the devil.
DIY Doc answered 7 year ago
Since it's already effected and affected your dignity, self respect, respect for marriage and extended family, your sense of a more private, intimate, couple relationship, I'd say you have less to worry about than just the marriage.
BTW,,, Drunk is a poor excuse. Enlightened coupling may be acceptable in your world, but why involve your husband? Did that make the act more moral?
Big Sigh,
Rev. Steven
I suspect it will be a long term topic of conversation between Hubby and cousin. It may be that you'll find a line at your door at some point, all family, all wanting, and all at risk of whatever karma will find anyone of you.
Alaska answered 7 year ago
The best advice it to be totally open and honest with your husband. Talk out your feelings. Don't just talk, listen to what he has to say also. If you had fun and want to do it in the future then you must be honest and understand that your husband may want the same thing with 2 women. Honest communication is the only thing that will truly work.
Tan D answered 7 year ago
When we get married, shouldn't we know what is marriage about first? I am not against 3some, or any many-some. But how can a couple remain a normal marriage with this type of relationship? A husband allow other guy have sex with the wife, how much he respect you as a wife? How much he respect this marriage? And vice versa, ask yourself, how much you respect this marriage? You should tell your husband that's just a stupid act out of alcohol, and you will never want to do it again.
Mardi D answered 7 year ago
Some advise... I love threesomes but never involve family members other than your spouse. My first one was with another man and yes my husband wanted to try another woman. It was hard for me at first especially since he wanted me to choose the woman to join us. If you really love him and it will make him happy than you will just have to accept your man for who he is and he will do the same for you. Welcome to swinging sweetie.
RDW928 answered 7 year ago
That was dumb, dumb, dumb.
iamiandme answered 7 year ago
Jerry Springer time again. What a low self esteem. Don't blame the alcohol take responsibility for your own actions.
PAULA answered 7 year ago
IT'S TOO LATE FOR ADVICE.
DKlyde answered 7 year ago
It's only incest if your husband did something with his cousin. Now having dispensed with that mook.
You need to sit down with your husband and discuss it openly. Tell him your concerns and encourage him to be open with you. It may affect your marriage but that doesn't mean it has to damage it.
Communication with your hubby is the key to working things out. Luck
brandiejs1979 answered 7 year ago
you have ruined your marriage....alcohol is the devil...he will want a 3some with another woman now and he will hate you if you dont go through with it...no it has not happened to me and never will because not only do i respect myself too much, but i respect my marriage and the promise we made to each other to love, honor and cherish each other FORSAKING ALL OTHERS!!!!!!!
ryanlas answered 7 year ago
Holy Crap... i read the reply from brandiejs1979 about the devil... what a crock. my wife and i have had lots of experiences and they all involve alcohol... maybe im the devil?
Its a comfort thing..you need to decide what your limits are. If you need to have a 3way with another woman to find out what you limits are... then do it. If after wards you decide you don't like it than tell you man how you feel. If you like it... tell him that.
When my wife and i did it for the first time it was really weird after wards. we decided that we didn't wanna do it anymore. then a few weeks later we got drunk with some friends and all ended up in the sack... had a great time. It has never been awkward after that. kinda weird how it works... find out for yourself.
maybe brandiejs1978 will pray for you.
Rachel answered 7 year ago
I'm sorry, but that's sad and gross. I have no advice for you - you dug your own grave.
dmckinner answered 7 year ago
First of all, you shouldnt be blaming it on being drunk, you still knew what you were doing and you agreed to it. Thats just an excuse now to blame it elsewhere. Its only fair that you give him a chance with another woman now, and it will most likely cause you a relationship problem. Specially if it gets out to the family. maybe you should quit drinkin so much and get a real life. This will be a thorn in both of your sides for years to come.
~*Jenny*~ answered 7 year ago
have done a threesome before, it does effect friendship with a friend but you sohuldnt have done it with the cousin, no that you have done that hes going to be wanting to do 3some with a female.
Renee answered 7 year ago
I personally think it was a bad idea to have a 3some with a relative.that's a no no. But since you did and was intoxicated when it happened I would just explan to the hubby that although it was ok, that you would rather not do it again. Or if you did do it, just tell him that you would rather do it with someone who is not in the family. As for having a 3some with a woman, if you are not for that, then tell him no and that should be it. Be careful not to let 3somes consume your relationship and become something that just takes over. Good luck.
superyoyogirl answered 7 year ago
whatever has happened has happened. dont dwell on it and knowing what you want now and how it has and will be affecting you.
tell husband honestly how you feel and he'll understand. dont do it again if you dont want to. or else there'll be no end and emotional stress for you. just dont let it happen again if you dont want to or things will not end. obviously due to you giving in unwillingly but feeling obligated.
have been in your situation and being drunk but one to one. felt obligated but guilty but to no end. thats seems our weakness and personal needs. once we submit ourselves and being unsure, it'll happen again. I was caught in it and near sucide before it all ended.
it'll cause emotional turmoil and most probably your marraige as well. sex is exciting and having freely new experiences is ever wanting but at what cost?
yes being married and " experienced " we may know what to avoid and the unwanted but not the emotional turmoil.
just be strong and firm as you said it " unplanned and drunk" not your fauly or anyone's.
what you need is to be strong and protecting yourself from physical and emotional harm.
?girl answered 7 year ago
Who is bigger? The cousin or your husband? Just steer clear of it mentally unless you plan to do it again. You are not obligated to do this again.
dream_drifter05 answered 7 year ago
let the past be, after all be comforted that hubby was involved too. no "wrong doing" by either party and being in a drunkard state.
let hubby knows your feelings about it and let it past.
its just one of those thngs in life. and a lesson of being drunken.
angel answered 7 year ago
oh honey..........you have f*cked up.......never, never, never have a three some in a marriage. I have two friends that did, and now neither one of them are married. they stayed together for a while, but the questions and accusing and jealousy took over. You just handed the devil your marriage license, I'm sorry, but its true
Valerie answered 7 year ago
THIS is EXACTLY why married people shouldn't tread in these waters!!!!
Your damn right he is going to want a 3some with another woman....and you have no one to blame but YOURSELF.......
Whats fair is fair, so be prepared for it.....oh and by the way, you can kiss your marriage GOOD-BYE!
I pray you don't have any kids...what a big mess!
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